The Lost Empire (1985)

As far as cheap and tacky movies go this one hits a 10 and keeps on going. I first seen this film on VHS well over 10 years ago, I got a copy on DVD for £2.98 a few months back that is so rough quality wise it looks like they transferred the print from that same VHS copy I'd watched.

The Directorial debut of Jim Wynorski (who you'd assume after this movie never worked again, let alone just finished directing his 66th movie) this movie features Ninja's, Undead Wizards, Cops and stacks of Busty Women. At 83 minutes running time you've got go into this movie realizing it's 83 minutes that you won't get back, but hey I've seen worse, not naming any of the 3 Star Wars prequels.

The film starts with the best opening shot I've ever seen in a movie (see pic just right of credits on my montage) The main 3 characters Angel Wolfe, Heather McClure and the unfeasibly large chested Whitestar travel to the Island of Dr Sin Do to bring to justice the people who shot her brother the cop Rob Wolfe, although I'm still not 100% sure if he dies or not, anyway he gets shot and she's pissed, there's a bit more to the plot to that but why should I complicate things. This film has so many memorable scenes, the fight at the all women prison where Angelique Pettyjohn (Star Trek - The Gamesters of Triskelion) plays a character called Whiplash and speaks the classic line "You're gonna swim out of here in your own blood, shitstain" The girls training for the games on Dr Sin Do's island to naff Chariots of Fire-esque music, some of those women really shouldn't run...but I'm glad they did. The Robot Spider scene has got to be one of the best. The film also features Robert Tessier who formed 'Stunts Unlimited' with Hal Needham (Hooper, Smokey and the Bandit) and appeared in Cannonball Run, Sword and the Sorcerer, Starcrash amongst many other films and TV shows, even if you don't recognize the name you'll know the face.
I asked myself is there any real point trying to do a critical appraisal of The Lost Empire ? The answer was no, all I can say is buy this film it's fun but don't pay anymore than £3.99 for it.